i still have hella VHS tapes. no one even cares, i should just throw them in the trash.
Hell, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them.
they’ve been in my closet for a year just taking up space… i seriously want to get rid of them now
why do you have so many copies of the same videos
….more??? o_O
i literally have like 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS
BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY
WE WANT ANSWERS
ok… fine… last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs…
like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.
But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like
“So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.”
and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.”
MY SISTER JUST GOT HIT ON BY THE CHEF AT THE RESTAURANT WE’RE AT VIA THE WAITRESS I’M DYING
THE WAITRESS GOT MY SISTER’S NUMBER FOR THE CHEF AND THEN PROCEEDED TO GUSH ABOUT HIM TO MY SISTER AND THEN A SECOND WAITRESS DID THE SAME AND THEN THE FIRST ONE TOLD US MY SISTER WASN’T ALLOWED TO ORDER DESSERT BECAUSE IT WAS TAKEN CARE OF AND THEN HE MADE HER A TASTING PLATE OF EVERY DESSERT ON THE MENU AND THEN HE CAME OUT AND HE WAS SO NERVOUS AND IT WAS REALLY SUPER SWEET.
More men should present dessert plates when trying to hit on a woman.
So, when I was doing my thesis on whether or not fanfiction should be considered a legitimate genre of literature, my advising professor asked me for examples. I gave him the generic ones, of course - “Pride & Prejudice and Zombies” is a horror fanfic of “Pride & Prejudice”, “50 Shades of Grey” is an erotica fic of “Twilight" - and that seemed to make him understand what fanfiction is, but not how it’s useful. So I thought about it, and, after about a minute, I said, “Paradise Lost is basically a fanfiction of the Book of Genesis. And The Divine Comedy is an epic self-insertion fic for Catholic doctrine. So, basically, you were teaching us fanfiction last semester.” I had never before seen a grown man’s eyes widen with such fear, incomprehension, disgust, awe, and understanding.
Heteronormativity is so ingrained in us from childhood that little girls can’t even recognise when they have little crushes on other girls, and that’s why being gay is seen as an “adult” thing; only when you’re old enough to reason critically are you able to recognise the crushes you had as a child. There’s no such thing as being too young to be gay, but there is such thing as being too young to fully understand heteronormativity.
Straight people need to stop commenting on this post.
Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed ejaculate.
I was having a good day. We were all having a good day.
I mean it’s kind of not, seeds aren’t analogous to sperm, hell, pollen isn’t analogous to sperm, plants don’t do dimorphic gametes like that. a better analogy would be firing a couple dozen fully-formed babies from a tshirt cannon
canada’s pride and joy is a
doughnut shop named after and founded by a hockey player in the 1960s
for all you non-canadian’s who think I’m exaggerating:
“Tim Hortons holds 62% of the Canadian coffee market (compared to Starbucks, in the number two position, at 7%)
“Canadians eat more doughnuts per capita and have more doughnut outlets per capita than any other nation“
“The company [Tim Hortons] opened twice as many Canadian outlets as McDonald's and system-wide sales also surpassed those of McDonald’s Canadian operations as of 2002”
“The chain accounted for 22.6% of all fast food industry revenues in Canada in 2005.”
there is more to this story and it actually gets better
tim horton the hockey player’s signature move was literally picking opposing players up and hugging them. the guy was like 6′5 on skates, built like a tank, would have come out on top in every hockey fight except that he absolutely refused to punch. someone would hit him and he’d just pick them up in a giant, angry bear hug.
this one time he broke his jaw and leg in a collision and was off the ice for years, and this freaked him tf out, because dude bro do i like…….have value behind all this muscle? what if this like……happens again, bro? what if i can’t play hockey, bro? huh? bro. basically he broke his face and had an existential crisis. happens to the best of us.
so he started a donut shop because he figured he’d need something to do when the next injury rolled around, seeing as oblivion lurks around every corner and none of us have a purpose. he started it in hamilton, ontario.coffee was ten cents.
anyways, when his face got better, he invited a police officer to come run his company so he could go play more hockey. which he did.
so: canada’s pride and joy is a donut shop named after and founded by a touch-starved hockey player in the midst of an existential crisis, that was later run by a cop when the aforementioned hockey player left to play more hockey, that then somehow ate up 62% of the canadian coffee biz. god bless.
i still have hella VHS tapes. no one even cares, i should just throw them in the trash.
Hell, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them.
they’ve been in my closet for a year just taking up space… i seriously want to get rid of them now
why do you have so many copies of the same videos
….more??? o_O
i literally have like 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS
BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY
WE WANT ANSWERS
ok… fine… last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs…
like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.
But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like
“So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.”
and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.”
MY SISTER JUST GOT HIT ON BY THE CHEF AT THE RESTAURANT WE’RE AT VIA THE WAITRESS I’M DYING
THE WAITRESS GOT MY SISTER’S NUMBER FOR THE CHEF AND THEN PROCEEDED TO GUSH ABOUT HIM TO MY SISTER AND THEN A SECOND WAITRESS DID THE SAME AND THEN THE FIRST ONE TOLD US MY SISTER WASN’T ALLOWED TO ORDER DESSERT BECAUSE IT WAS TAKEN CARE OF AND THEN HE MADE HER A TASTING PLATE OF EVERY DESSERT ON THE MENU AND THEN HE CAME OUT AND HE WAS SO NERVOUS AND IT WAS REALLY SUPER SWEET.
More men should present dessert plates when trying to hit on a woman.
So, when I was doing my thesis on whether or not fanfiction should be considered a legitimate genre of literature, my advising professor asked me for examples. I gave him the generic ones, of course - “Pride & Prejudice and Zombies” is a horror fanfic of “Pride & Prejudice”, “50 Shades of Grey” is an erotica fic of “Twilight" - and that seemed to make him understand what fanfiction is, but not how it’s useful. So I thought about it, and, after about a minute, I said, “Paradise Lost is basically a fanfiction of the Book of Genesis. And The Divine Comedy is an epic self-insertion fic for Catholic doctrine. So, basically, you were teaching us fanfiction last semester.” I had never before seen a grown man’s eyes widen with such fear, incomprehension, disgust, awe, and understanding.
Heteronormativity is so ingrained in us from childhood that little girls can’t even recognise when they have little crushes on other girls, and that’s why being gay is seen as an “adult” thing; only when you’re old enough to reason critically are you able to recognise the crushes you had as a child. There’s no such thing as being too young to be gay, but there is such thing as being too young to fully understand heteronormativity.
Straight people need to stop commenting on this post.
Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed ejaculate.
I was having a good day. We were all having a good day.
I mean it’s kind of not, seeds aren’t analogous to sperm, hell, pollen isn’t analogous to sperm, plants don’t do dimorphic gametes like that. a better analogy would be firing a couple dozen fully-formed babies from a tshirt cannon
canada’s pride and joy is a
doughnut shop named after and founded by a hockey player in the 1960s
for all you non-canadian’s who think I’m exaggerating:
“Tim Hortons holds 62% of the Canadian coffee market (compared to Starbucks, in the number two position, at 7%)
“Canadians eat more doughnuts per capita and have more doughnut outlets per capita than any other nation“
“The company [Tim Hortons] opened twice as many Canadian outlets as McDonald's and system-wide sales also surpassed those of McDonald’s Canadian operations as of 2002”
“The chain accounted for 22.6% of all fast food industry revenues in Canada in 2005.”
there is more to this story and it actually gets better
tim horton the hockey player’s signature move was literally picking opposing players up and hugging them. the guy was like 6′5 on skates, built like a tank, would have come out on top in every hockey fight except that he absolutely refused to punch. someone would hit him and he’d just pick them up in a giant, angry bear hug.
this one time he broke his jaw and leg in a collision and was off the ice for years, and this freaked him tf out, because dude bro do i like…….have value behind all this muscle? what if this like……happens again, bro? what if i can’t play hockey, bro? huh? bro. basically he broke his face and had an existential crisis. happens to the best of us.
so he started a donut shop because he figured he’d need something to do when the next injury rolled around, seeing as oblivion lurks around every corner and none of us have a purpose. he started it in hamilton, ontario.coffee was ten cents.
anyways, when his face got better, he invited a police officer to come run his company so he could go play more hockey. which he did.
so: canada’s pride and joy is a donut shop named after and founded by a touch-starved hockey player in the midst of an existential crisis, that was later run by a cop when the aforementioned hockey player left to play more hockey, that then somehow ate up 62% of the canadian coffee biz. god bless.
